Hi, my name is Meredith. I am scared of the dark. I am a senior at Alter High School. I have four sisters, one brother, two very loving parents, and two adorably mischievous cats. I love to sing, dance, and act. I have bipolar disorder. I am the manager of a small café. I am obsessed with pineapples and the color purple. All these things make up who I am as a person. Some of them may have more of an effect on my life than others, but they are all necessary to truly describe me.
To address it right away… yes, I am afraid of the dark, and yes, I am a senior in high school. It is not particularly the literal darkness that scares me, although it is pretty terrifying, but the internal darkness I have struggled with my whole life. I believe that everyone has some sort of internal darkness. It could be stress, anxiety, or just any negative thoughts. Just how people react to the literal darkness in different ways, people deal with their internal darkness differently. Throughout this little blog I will be delving deeper into my own concept of internal darkness.
You also may have noticed that I said I have bipolar disorder. Yes. It is in the list of things I use to describe myself because it is a huge part of who I am. I could have easily left it out, and I am sure no one would have ever known. The reason I don’t leave it out is because I am not ashamed of it. Although bipolar disorder has been my biggest challenge and obstacle, it has also been my biggest teacher and motivator. On the other hand, even though I think my mental illness is a very important aspect of who I am, it does not define me. I used to be embarrassed of my diagnosis. I told myself I was crazy. I struggled for multiple years with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I still struggle with many dark times, but I learn something new in each dark instance. I have learned now that I am no different than any other person, in the sense that we are all given unique gifts that make us who we are. Bipolar disorder is my unique gift. I, of course, did not always view my situation as a gift.
Throughout this blog I will also be sharing some of my personal experiences with mental illness, including my own struggles and the life changing death of my grandmother due to suicide, and how I worked through situations and found a light in my seemingly eternal darkness. You can also check out a video bio of my story here.
I am getting involved with the It’s Time 2 organization because I want to contribute in any way I can to make a more positive and uplifting community regarding mental health. By sharing my story and my experiences I hope to not only grow in myself but also to help others learn to grow from and make the best of whatever their darkness might be.
Stories and inspiration from people all over the nation making the decision to come together as a community of people who want to spread love, joy and peace and break down the barriers of racism, hatred, violence and prejudice of any kind. We're all in this together.